


Because of You

by Caera1996



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, kink meme fill, st: into darkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 04:42:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caera1996/pseuds/Caera1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 1 answers a kink-meme prompt for Jim/Bones post Into Darkness h/c fluff. Part 2 answers a kink-meme prompt for Jim and Bones having life affirming, "don't-you-ever-die-on-me-again" sex.</p><p>Both parts are contained herein. This story is complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because of You

**PART 1**

It took a long time for Jim to wake up. And even though McCoy knew...he  _knew_...that he'd dragged Jim back from over the brink and he would be okay, it was the longest two weeks of his life.  
  
When Jim finally came awake with a little start and a gasp, the heart-stopping relief he felt was tightly suppressed, carefully controlled, and hidden under jokes about whether or not he was feeling like a homicidal maniac.   
  
He wanted to say so, so much more, but the moment wasn't their's. It wasn't private, and everything he wanted to say...the words that were stuck in his chest and throat, making it hard to breathe, making him  _hurt_  and his eyes water, so that he had to focus his attention on the monitors...everything he wanted so desperately to say was private.   
  
Not meant for pointy ears.  
  
Now, sitting at Jim's bedside and watching him sleep, everything he'd wanted to say -  _needed_  to say - was bubbling up inside him, making his breath shudder with every exhale, taking all his strength with them, until he was slouched over the edge of the biobed and Jim's arm. Clutching his hand...so warm with life...tears darkened the blanket below him, and he stayed like that until he felt Jim's other hand in his hair, soothing him with a gentle, careful touch...and the whisper of, "I'm okay, Bones. I'm okay."

The feel of that hand, so gently touching his head, and the sound of that voice, quietly rough with sleep - just two of the many, many things McCoy thought he would never have again. Never hear again. Never feel again. The sight of Jim lying wrongly still and forever quiet and cold and...inconceivably gone. He was just gone.   
  
For two torturous weeks, that horrible and terrifying moment was the only thing McCoy felt when he looked at Jim lying on the biobed, even as the displays told him otherwise. Because until those blue eyes opened, and until Jim spoke to him, Leonard couldn't let it go. Couldn't  _see_ anything else.  
  
And the painful, profound, overwhelming relief choked him, squeezing his throat until he was gasping for air. Unable to move , unable to do anything but hold on to that hand, revel in the feel of the hand on his head, and strain to hear that voice over the uncontrollable sounds of his own remembered grief and crushing fear as he tried to let it all go with the knowledge of what was  _now._  
  
"I'm okay," Jim said again, his own voice wavering with the true wonder and reflected emotion of that. But he hurt. It hurt so bad to know that this is what his death had caused. "I'm so sorry," he said quietly, his voice catching. Jim squinted in the low light at the dark head, summoned all the strength he could to squeeze the hand holding so tightly on to his own.  
  
Leonard let out a sound that could've been a sob or a laugh, wiped his face on his sleeve and looked up, meeting the sliver of blue watching him fall apart and slowly come back together again.   
  
"No...you can't be sorry," Leonard said hoarsely. "You saved us all...again. But, God Jim...when I saw you..." Leonard trailed off, shaking his head. "Do you know? Do you even know what you are to me?"  
  
"I know," Jim said, his voice clearer. "I know because the only one I was thinking about as I made the climb was you."  
  
Leonard's eyes filled with tears again and he shifted, moving to sit on the side of Jim's slightly reclined bed. His eyes swept over the biostats on the consoles out of habit and responsibility, and there was only good. Still a little too weak to lean forward on his own, Leonard slipped his hands around Jim's back, and he carefully lifted Jim to him, cradling his head in one hand, guiding Jim to rest his head on his shoulder. Closing his eyes, Jim held on, hugging Bones as tightly as he could, his arms shaking with the effort.  
  
Heart to heart, they breathed with each other. Jim lifted his head from Bones' shoulder and looked into his eyes and saw everything he felt reflected back at him. And then Bones kissed him gently, reverently, brushing their lips together with a sigh, and Jim's eyes fluttered closed.  
  
And he knew he'd do it all over again.  
  
"Can you take me home Bones?" Jim asked quietly as Leonard settled him back in the bed. "All I need right now is you."  
  
And if it were anyone else with anyone else, the answer would be "no." But this was Jim, and though he was weak he wasn't ill or in any danger. He was on the mend. And Leonard would take care of him.  
  
Leonard knew he would always take care of him.

 

**PART 2**

_”Leonard…I’m so sorry,” Nyota said softly. “I – It’s Jim. He had to go into the core…he…he saved us…but…”_

_“No. No, no…” the panic was real and palpable and made his vision darken around the edges…_

_Jim’s lifeless, radiation-ravaged, still body, already cold to the touch._

_And the gaping, painful emptiness right in the center of him…_

“No!” Leonard gasped, coming awake abruptly. _Jim’s dead, he’s dead,_ “Lights!” he cried, and Jim startled violently beside him as the room became immediately bright. Leonard shoved the blankets off of himself and grabbed at Jim. Needing to see…

“What? Bones…” Jim said, squinting in the light as he acquiesced to Bones’ desperate grasp on him, and he sat up, coming face to face with Bones’ panic.

“Oh, thank God,” Leonard said, gasping. “You were dead, you stupid sonofabitch! You…what were you thinking…”

“Bones!” Jim said firmly. “I’m okay. You saved me. I’m okay.” Leonard’s grip on him lessened slightly, and Jim gently wiped away the tears with his fingers. “I’m okay,” he said again, his voice soft.

Leonard stared mutely at Jim for a moment, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing…what he held in his still-trembling grip. Jim sighed, shaking his head slightly and moved to wrap his arms around Bones, holding him tightly.

“I’m so sorry…there was nothing else to do, Bones. There was no other way,” Jim said quietly.

Bones clung to Jim, pressing his face to the strong shoulder as he tried to get hold of himself. He could feel his heart slowing to a more normal rate as he calmed down and the remnants of the waking nightmare he’d lived through fell away.

Jim just held on, listening to Bones’ breathing slow, feeling his body calm. His heart ached for Bones, for everything he’d gone through, for the pain Jim had caused him. And Jim felt guilty because he didn’t share this misery. He didn’t really remember much. He remembered making the climb, feeling so sick and weak. He barely remembered the torturous way back…he’d been so, so sick by then. He’s seen recordings of his conversation with Spock, and remembered being afraid the way you remember your fear of a nightmare in the bright light of the morning. But it all seemed so disconnected. So far away. And then he woke up and he was fine. Weak, but fine. He didn’t share this grief.

After a couple of minutes, Leonard straightened. He pulled away from Jim enough to look at him….really look and revel in the life in those blue eyes. He so desperately wanted to forget the empty stare of death that had greeted him when he ran in to Engineering, _needed_ to forget it, or he’d never be able to move on from here. _They_ wouldn’t be able to move on.

Jim saw what was in Bones’ eyes, saw that Bones needed more…needed a connection, and Jim felt the same. They had just started to explore this new level of their relationship before all hell had broken loose, and though they’d shared a bed and each other in small ways, they’d not taken that final physical step yet.

Holding Bones’ gaze, Jim leaned forward and kissed him, his eyes closing as Bones responded, sliding his hands around Jim’s shoulders and up his neck, squeezing gently. They parted to breathe, then came together again, hands roaming and pulling at pieces of clothing that were just in the way. Taking the lead, Jim pulled Bones’ shirt up and eased it over his head. Bones was pulling at his too, and Jim helped him get it off, tossing the items to the floor. They held each other tightly, Bones letting his head tip to the side as Jim kissed and tongued his neck.

“Lie down with me,” Jim whispered against his skin, and Bones eased down on the bed with him. They fit together perfectly, legs and hips and bodies lining up as they lay on their sides, moving together, kissing, holding each other and gasping into each other. Jim slid his hands up into Bones’ thick hair, pulling it gently and Bones moaned into the kiss. His hands moved down Jim’s strong back, until he eased his fingers under the waistband of Jim’s briefs. He pulled, asking, and Jim nodded.

“Yes, Bones…yes. Want you,” Jim said breathlessly.

“Want you too, Jim. Now,” Leonard pulled Jim’s underwear down, and Jim separated enough to pull them off the rest of the way. He groaned as Bones closed a hand around him, and arched slightly as he gave him a single stroke before reaching down further to gently caress his balls.

“Oh, god…Bones…feels so good. C’mon…want to get these off you, too,” Jim murmured.

Leonard nodded and Jim sat up. He pressed his hips up and Jim pulled the last piece of clothing that had kept them separated off and down Bones’ long legs. He dropped them over the side of the bed and stretched his body over Bones’ reaching past him for the lube.

“Give it to me,” Bones said huskily, and Jim obliged, sitting back on his knees over Bones’ legs.

Leonard sat up a bit and held Jim’s gaze as he let a thin stream of the slippery liquid hit Jim’s hard cock. His head fell back and he fisted the blankets as Leonard stroked him, the lube intensifying the incredible feelings as his hand glided over that soft, achingly sensitive skin. Jim panted harshly, his hips making small uncontrollable movements as Leonard teased him with an unpredictable rhythm, occasionally letting his fingers circle the head, the tickling, gentle touch almost unbearable.

Jim squeezed his eyes closed, biting his lip hard as he tried to keep himself still. After just a few moments of being on the receiving end of Bones’ undivided attention, he had to stop him, grabbing his wrist and grunting with the effort of keeping his body under control.

When he was finally able to open his eyes, Bones was watching him with such intense desire and heat…and need. And love. So clearly in Bones’ eyes, the depth of that emotion…that love…Jim teared up, and reached to draw Bones to him.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Bones. But I couldn’t let anything happen to you or anyone else. I just couldn’t. Please understand. Please,” Jim said hoarsely.

“Oh, Jim…I know…I know,” Leonard said, soothing him with long strokes down his bare back, loving the feel of life in his arms. He swallowed hard and shook his head. “I would’ve done the same thing to save you.”

And abruptly, the anger he’d felt, but not acknowledged (even to himself), at what Jim had done…how he’d just left him…fell away.

And for the first time since he’d seen Jim’s lifeless body, he felt lighter.

Leonard kissed him, passion and love and need echoing between them. Jim used his body to urge Bones down, settling him carefully on the pillows. His hand closed on the bottle of lube they’d used minutes ago and Jim fumbled it open, his hands shaking so much he nearly dropped it. He managed to get some on his fingers and Bones brought his legs up, giving Jim room. Jim was lying over him, one hand gently caressing his face as they kissed while the other gently and tenderly worked him open. Bones gasped into Jim as he stroked inside, slightly spreading his lubed fingers and carefully thrusting, preparing Bones for him.

“Now, Jim, now. I’m not gonna break,” Bones whispered, running his hands all over him, holding on wherever he could.

Jim grasped himself and eased into Bones’ body, both men groaning. Bones arched his neck, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Jim threaded their fingers together and held Bones’ hands to the bed as he took his time entering him, waiting for the tight muscles to relax before pushing a little further. Bones brought his legs up, spreading them as much as he could, and Jim pressed right against him.

When he was finally all the way inside, he let his head drop to Bones’ shoulder as he gasped and trembled. He stayed still for as long as they both could take it, until Bones started to shudder and he was aching with need.

“God, Bones…you’re so perfect,” Jim breathed out against his lips. “Gonna move now, okay?’

“Yeah, Jim. Now please, please. Uh…” Bones pressed his head against the pillow, squeezing his eyes closed and clenching his hands on Jim’s.

Pulling out slowly and pushing back in, Jim kept his eyes on Bones’ face, leaning down to kiss him again, tongues mimicking the actions of their bodies. Jim’s movements were slow and unhurried, each thrust forcing gasps and moans from both of them. Sweat beaded on their bodies as they moved together and their harsh breathing was punctuated by soft cries and pleas for more.

Jim forced himself to maintain an even rhythm even as Bones writhed under him. Each perfect slide of flesh made their muscles shake with tension of their arousal and Bones tensed under him. Jim rested his forehead against Bones’ pausing for a moment as they panted into each other, breathing each other’s air.

“Jim, touch me…please,” Bones groaned, thrusting his hips as much as he could. Jim kissed him, and let go of one of his hands to wrap it around Bones’ erection, registering the wetness of precum on his fingers as he gave Bones a couple of short strokes. Bones cried out at the contact, his muscles clenching around Jim at the stimulation, making him lose control and thrust harder…and then he couldn’t stop himself.

Pushing harder and faster, Bones met each of his thrusts with abandon and he felt himself be pushed to the edge of his endurance. His whole body clenched, his toes curling, and he shook violently as his orgasm crashed over him. Jim thrusted and stroked him through it, making him shout as his the contractions rolled through his body, pulses of come spurting between them.

Jim thrusted hard, once, twice more…then stilled, pressed deeply inside Bones, a shout he couldn’t control forcing itself from between clenched teeth as he followed with his own release. It seemed to last forever, until neither could take it anymore and, still connected, Jim collapsed onto Bones. Laying there, resting his head on Bones’ shoulder, they both tried to catch their breath as their chests heaved and their hearts raced, every moment setting of sparks and making them wince with oversensitivity until Jim was able to gently free himself.

And then, laying pressed together as they were, Jim felt a hitch in Bones’ breathing. Looking up at him, Jim reached up and gently traced the track of a tear down the side of his face. Bones rolled his eyes at himself and took Jim’s hand, pressing a kiss to his palm, and then kissing Jim deeply.

“Please, Jim,” he said as they separate. “Please…don’t ever do anything like that again. I can’t go through that again.”

Jim remained silent, just leaning in to kiss him again. He couldn’t make that promise, and Leonard knew it.

But in this moment, they could believe it was possible.


End file.
